"How did you... get into this?"

A frequently asked question about my love for Middle English

Dear bookish friend,

I don’t share too many more personally-themed essays on Medievalish—I know most of you are here for my little dives into medieval Christianity and literature, and not my personal stories! But “How did you get into this?” with the this meaning the strange and obscure world of premodern English poetry and contemplative writing, is one of the questions people most frequently ask me, and I thought it might be fun to share a little of that story with you.

I’ve always loved history and literature. The summer after third grade, my family was visiting Julian, California on a dusty, sunny day. I had a piece of apple pie and then we walked over to the used bookstore, delighting in the dark interior and smell of old pages. And I found what I had wanted for a long time. I devoured my new yet slightly battered and rather ugly 70s copy of Louisa May Alcott’s Little Women in the car on the way home, growing more and more carsick in the twisty turns on the backroads of Southern California. Little Women set the stage for Middle English, because it fed something deep in me: it was not the words or story alone that I loved, though I loved those, but the world of the past, the different ways of seeing and being.

the actual beloved copy.

In college, I begrudgingly became a psychology major with no clue of what to do, because it seemed more “practical” than being an English major. When people asked me what I loved as they tried to help me figure out what I should do with my life, I always answered with confusion and a little bit of embarrassment: “Books.” I didn’t even want to be a writer or teacher at that time, just “Books.” Much like Ken in the Barbie movie: “My job is beach. Just beach.”¹

After it became clear that I was not cut out to become a school counselor or a therapist (though I am friends with many! Shout out to our good folks helping with mental health!), I decided to throw practicality overboard and embrace my aimless bookishness. I had already taken so many psych classes that I became a double major with English. And then, for the first time, I encountered Middle English.